Saturdays Are For Relaxing
by Numb Smile
Summary: I don’t know what to say, there’s sex, it’s Spencer and Ashley, but it’s not that black and white. Just give it a read – what’s the worst that could happen?
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: _"Saturday's Are For Relaxing"_

**Disclaimer**: _I own nothing – well I do own a thirteen-year-old Care bear (he's green) – but as far as South Of Nowhere goes, I own south of nothing – which when you think about it, is less than nothing. Tom Lynch and The-N own all rights._

**Rating**: _NC-17 – there's sex, go figure._

**Summary**: _I don't know what to say, there's sex, it's Spencer and Ashley, but it's not that black and white. Just give it a read – what's the worst that could happen?_

**Author's Note**: _I don't know where this came from but apparently writing angsty one-shot nc-17 SoN fics, is my new hobby. As for the writing style – even I don't know what that's about. And I don't know what my sudden obsession with people having sex in toilet cubicles is. __One more thing - sorry about the crap title._

**Feedback**: _Mutual apathy again? However I might decide to continue this (as with another angsty nc-17 fic that was supposed to be a one-shot that I wrote about a week and a half ago), so reader feedback will certainly help me to ascertain if it's worth turning this into a continuing fic.

* * *

_

I push the moaning girl against the lightweight door and thrust my fingers into her. Her moans intensify, they're deeper and louder and now her gasping mouth is next to my ear. Her hot pants bring moisture to the shell of the cartilage. I drive my fingers deeper into her with more vigour. She screams a little. I like it when they scream.

_Since moving to New York from Los Angeles I've changed and grown as a person. The main reason for my move was university; NYU was calling my name so I came running. There was of course added bonuses to moving, getting away from my awful mother was one, she didn't want me around anymore anyway, and as for my dad, well he was M.I.A. most of the time._

The girl continues to scream, have I mentioned how I love to make them scream? There is something so deeply erotic about a girl screaming in ecstasy; it's such a turn on. Her hips are pushing forward to meet my hand, she's trying to maximise her pleasure. A sardonic laugh is lost in my throat as I bring my left hand down from her chest – where it has been busying itself with her breasts – to her thrusting hips, I push my palm down onto the bone as forcefully as I can. Doesn't she realise that I'm the one who's in control here?

_I hardly miss my old school – King High graduation didn't see any of my tears. There were only two people at that school I cared about, Aiden and **Her**. As for Aiden, he was going to NYU like me so I had no reason to even say goodbye to him. But, as for **Her**, I couldn't cry over her, not anymore. It took everything I had not to ask Aiden where she was headed and what she had planned for after graduation. I couldn't beat myself up about **Her** any more, she broke my heart and that was that._

I add a third finger and she starts to whimper – you know _that_ whimpering sound, it's sort of a cross between a cry of pain and someone begging for more – she was begging for more, she was begging for release. I wasn't going to give her a release though. I didn't want to. And I'm the one in control. Not her, me. That's not to say that I'm going to stop, push her away and leave – no, I'm going to make her cum, I just want to see her beg, to hear her beg, I want her to plead for release. I press down on her clit and her thigh twitches. She's close, so I slow down, my fingers moving painfully slowly.

_Some part of me hoped that leaving L.A would mean leaving all the pain behind, forgetting all of the memories. I knew that just a change of scenery wouldn't change what had happened. I didn't. I still remembered her. I still remember everything we had, the good and the bad. Aiden said that at least I sill had the good memories, the happy memories the memories filled with soft teenage giggles. Those annoying carefree giggles that you can't help but let escape your lips when you're having a good time. The type of giggle that sounds strange unless it's coming from a teenage girl. He was wrong, the good times just reminded me of the bad times, the giggles started to taunt me. The sound of soft carefree teenage giggles resounded throughout my mind, forcing tears to spill from my eyes and strangled heartbroken whimpers to escape my lips._

She's muttering how much she needs this, how much she needs to cum. She's on the verge of tears. Good. Her muttered pleas are coming out as desperate sobs. She understands that I'm the one with the power, I'm in control. If my fingers weren't buried deep inside of her and her legs weren't wrapped tightly around my waist I have no doubt that she'd be on her knees begging by now. I flick my thumb aggressively over the small nub of her clit and my fingers start to pound into her with more force than I had been using. The sudden change of speed causes her to gasp and her teeth sink down onto the exposed flesh of my neck. The bitch better not have drawn blood.

_Before I left this evening my dad rung me to ask about tuition fees and **Her**. Since my mum had emotionally abandoned me, and shacked up with boyfriend blah, she had cut all ties – including financial ones. So my dad was my emotional and financial support. He would ring every now and again to see how I was doing, if I had met anyone, if I needed money, how my course was going. Just was doing the usual parental duties bit, and he had mentioned **Her**. And I had shut down._

She's really moaning now. Her hips are rocking back and forth and I'm not stopping them. The action really isn't giving her much more pleasure. She's too far gone to focus her movements. I'm still in control. I contemplate dropping down on to my knees and licking her out. But we're in a grotty toilet cubical, and I'm not getting down on my knees onto the probably piss stained floor for _her_. So I keep thrusting my fingers in and out. I've been in her so long that my digits have probably shrivelled into prunes. Her walls are tightened around my slender fingers. She's close and it's because of me. I made her wet, I got her moaning and now I'm going to make her cum. I thrust my fingers in and out of her, as fast as I can. My shoulder feels like it's about to pop out of its socket. Her teeth are biting down on my shoulder again and she's moaning and groaning, "_hmmnhpp_" sounds leave her mouth. She's whimpering and panting, words that sound like a cross between my name and "_mmhhsnn_" push over her parted lips. I want to push her head away from my shoulder, I don't want her drool on my skin, I don't want her teeth marks on my flesh. I'm the one in control; I'm the one of leaves marks on her. I'm the one who says what goes. I draw my fingers back out of her and then sink them back into her, pushing deeper. My thumb twitches back and forth over her clit – almost dancing. And she screams again. It's a different scream to before; it's louder and more belligerent. It's another type of scream that I enjoy hearing – I enjoy it even more when I know that I've caused it. She's shaking and quaking against me. I smile knowing that all she's feeling is because of me. I pull her legs from around my waist – freeing myself. I push away from her and her legs give out and she slides down the wall. Her bare bottom comes into contact with the cold floor. She's still reeling from her orgasm. I leave her like that. One thought solitary in my mind.

She's not Ashley.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the brilliant feedback!  
But I feel like I need to clarify something, I think I should mention (because there has been some confusion) that the first part was all in Spencer's pov, it was just slipping between streams of consciousness, as in she was having sex with a random girl and thinking about it, but her mind was also recounting and recapping on her life a little. I thought it would be interesting (and ambiguous), because you can see the similarities between Spencer and Ashley.  
Hmm.

Sorry for any confusion.

* * *

Oh fuck this feels good. She's inside of me and I love the feeling. It's hardly new – I'm not a virgin, I know the feeling well – but these days I give more than I receive. And I haven't _received_ in a while. 

I have at least two one nightstands a week – and most of them time they're literally "_stands_". And sure they're gratifying, in one-way or another. The last couple of orgasm's I've had, have been self-inflicted, which is fine – because an orgasm is still an orgasm. However there is something about someone else moving inside of you, pushing you to your climax that is just so much better than flying solo. Plus this girl is so sexy, it's painful.

Sexy, but virginal. I'm never too sure whether I love or hate virgins. On one hand there is something so thrilling about being someone's first – whether you're being as gentle and caring as possible, trying to make their first time a beautiful memory, or whether you're violently ripping away their innocence – you'll permanently be marked in their mind as their first. Virgin's are so nervous and eager to please, you can get them to do almost anything and they'll comply, because usually they don't know any better. But on the flip side, virgins are nervous and bumbling creatures, their movements are awkward and clumsy – never too sure of what to do. They move slowly and cautiously, annoyingly so, they need you to show them what to do, they need to be taught. If you're looking for a quick fuck, virgin's arnt usually the way to go.

I picked her up in a gay bar; she was nursing a root beer looking like a deer caught in headlights. She looked so innocent and lost – such a fucking turn on. I knew it would only be a matter of time before someone else tried to pick her up – she is fucking hot after all – so I made my move, strolling up to her and starting a conversation, constantly finding reasons to touch her.

I hate pretending. I hate being charming. Laying on all the bullshit, just so I can fuck whoever in a toilet cubical or the back of a cab, or occasionally in _her_ bed. I know I'm just spouting crap, most of the time the girls must know too. But yet I still do it, I need to. _Charm 'em, fuck 'em and leave 'em_. Every time. I usually end up using the same lines – like an actress going out and performing the same play every night. The same empty words spilling over my lips. I don't tire of it though. Not one bit.

So there I was in a generic gay bar, chatting up a generic baby dyke, using generic pick-up-lines. She asked me back to hers – usually I don't go home with them – but long ago I came to the conclusion that no one really wants their first time to be in a toilet stall (whether they want a "memorable" first time or not). I know I didn't want mine to be, granted a barn isn't much better. So I agreed to go back to hers. I wanted to fuck the innocence out of her.

In the taxi on the way to her place she was nervously giggling in my ear as I continued to "charm" her. Even though I didn't need to be charming anymore, we were going to fuck and that was that.

We arrived in front of a medium sized house and proceeded to make our way towards the front door. My mind was going into overdrive trying to figure the girl out – I guessed that she still lived with her parents. She must have still been in school. Excitedly she dragged me up to her room and shut the door heavily behind us. Her room was that of a typical high school student – pictures of friends, posters, the odd trophy and schoolbooks (both exercise and text) piled up on a desk.

I asked her how old she was, and she started to shift uncomfortably as she stared at her shoes, a muttered "seventeen" reached my ears. I looked her up and down and unconsciously started to compare myself to her. We were about the same height, I was her age when I had my proverbial cherry popped, well my lesbian cherry, and from what I could gather earlier on she was nervous about coming out, although she was certain about her sexuality. I guess a lot of people have that in common especially at her age. I internally shook my head; I didn't need to be thinking. I needed to be fucking.

I sat down on her bed and patted the space next to me. She chewed on her lower lip for a moment before sitting down on the spot I had been tapping. I gave her an encouraging smile as once more that night I kissed her. She tasted like vanilla and root beer. She wanted to go slow – that was obvious from her kiss. Unfortunately for her, I didn't.

It didn't take long for me to get her naked and soon our clothes were on the floor and her fingers were deep inside of me, pushing me higher and higher.

I'm on my back in her bed; she's between my legs, her fingers thrusting in and out of me. She knows what she's doing surprisingly well; for a virgin. And fuck it feels good to have her moving in me. I think she shaking from nervousness, I don't care though. I urge her on, faster and deeper. My hands find her back as her fingers find my g-spot. Shit. I'm close. My hands are clawing at her back. I'm almost there, just a little further and… fuck! My nails dig into her back and rip through the tanned flesh.

I stop twitching and I want to leave. Usually I would. But I don't. I lean up and I can see her back in the mirror mounted above her dressing table – it's bleeding. Soft lines of crimson blood are streaked near her shoulder blades. I kiss her on the lips, softly. I'd usually be out of the house by now. I wonder where her parents are.

I flip us over – I'm on top, people need to learn that. My fingers find the warmth radiating from between her legs. And just like she was in me earlier, I am her.

I wanted to fuck the innocence out of her. And I did. I didn't stop. She kept cumming, over and over. I didn't stop. She was begging me to relent. I didn't. I fucked her hard and fast. I fucked her cruelly. Her first time should have been gentle and loving, it wasn't. It was cold and brutal. She cried. I still didn't stop. I don't know how many times I brought her to a climax that night. The last time I head it; her voice was raw and hoarse. I did finally stop though, at some point she blacked out – her body completely spent and exhausted, and I stopped; my own body sore.

Her beautiful face was stained with tears. Her neck had a few new bite marks and her back – which I couldn't see – had a few cuts and consequently dried blood on it. I withdrew myself from her limp body and went about putting my clothes back on.

Virgin's are fun. But she wasn't a virgin anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

To reiterate, those who've left feedback rock my cotton socks.

* * *

Another night, another nameless faceless fuck.

We're on our way back to hers – I haven't gone home with a girl since the virgin I fucked about a week and a half ago, that's twice in one month so far (I better not make a habit out of it).

This girl is different though, there is something about her that seems familiar – I think I've fucked her before. Great, that means that I've systematically worked through all the women in New York and I'm going back round. That, or, I've just managed – by sheer fluke – to run into someone who I've already banged. I like that option more, because it not only minimises my _slut-status_, but means that there is fresh undiscovered – or at least unfucked by me – meat still left in NY. And by meat, I mean dykes (including, bisexuals, the bi-curious and random sluts who want me); basically more girls for me to fuck and forget.

Normally I don't like to "re-fuck", but it's a Tuesday night and there never seems to be many people out on Tuesdays, plus I have absolutely no recollection of this girl. It also helps that she wants me and is what Aiden would refer to as "_prime real estate_", which means she's fuckable. As for her intelligence and personality, well I don't give a flying fuck about that, and as I barely paid her any attention when she was talking to me earlier, I really don't know.

She wants me, I want to fuck her – so I can overlook her being a re-fuck.

She kisses me as we pull up in front of an apartment complex. She tastes like tequila, tequila and cigarettes. I can't stand smokers – there is only ever one time to light up a fag and that's after sex, I don't just mean after a quick fuck in the girls toilets, I mean after truly gratifying sex. That is the **only** time I will willing inhale pesticides.

We make it to the lift and she throws me in, latching herself to my neck – the whore better not leave a mark on me. Her touch is fumbled and there is no doubt in my mind that she's shit-faced.

But wait, does this mean that I'm taking advantage of a drunk girl? Oh, heavens no, I will surely burn in hell for such an act. I laugh sardonically in my own head, dear oh dear, what happened to little innocent Spencer Carlin? I laugh again – this time a giggle leaves my lips and the re-fuck gives me a confused look, I shrug and fling her against the corridor wall, fusing my mouth to hers.

I'm not drunk – not properly – but I'm not sober either. I'm what my friends and I once deemed "pipsy", which is a cross between pissed and tipsy, whatever – I'm too drunk to drive.

She's pulling me into her apartment, muttering about her flatmate being out of town – why would I care? She's tugging me towards her bedroom, no! No more bedroom fucking! I hate fucking people in bedrooms – bedrooms are for sleeping – I hate fucking lying down – when you fuck a girl standing up you have the pleasure of watching them collapse on to the floor afterwards (if you fuck 'em right that is). And when they're like that – in a shaking heap on the floor – you can just walk away leaving them at their most vulnerable, their most defenceless.

I resist her attempts to drag me into her room, she pouts at me – yeah, like that's going to change my mind, stupid whore. I pull her into me, one of my hands tangling in her straight mousy brown hair, the other grabbing the door handle and slamming it shut.

Once more I draw back from her kiss, gripping her arms I forcefully shove her away, her back smacking into the now closed door, she makes an "_oomph_" sound as the air rushes out of her lungs.

I'm bored of her already.

I've removed her mini-skirt and I'm on my knees in front of her before she's even blinked. I flick my tongue over her clit and she twitches, rolling my eyes I reach a hand round and grab her butt, bringing her closer to my mouth. I suddenly feel oddly lethargic and want to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. I push three fingers into her, curling them as I thrust in and out.

I'm on autopilot as I finger fuck her, my tongue idly licking up and down over her hard clit. She's just another nameless face, another notch on my metaphorical bedpost – well she would be if I hadn't fucked her before. My body is moving in the best way it know's how and I'm not paying attention to anything. That's why I don't notice the sound of keys bring jiggled in a lock, or the door flying open, or even the sound of a very pissed off boyfriend advancing towards us. I do however notice when an angry hand grabs the back of my shirt and pulls me up and back. _I was technically in the middle of something_! Apparently _nameless slut_ is actually nameless bi-slut. And I don't think nameless bi-slut's boyfriend likes me.

He shouts something that I don't catch, and throws his fist into my jaw. Bastard! Before I can react, nameless bi-slut's boyfriend has me backed up against a wall or door or something and is beating the shit out of me – I barely notice as my head smacks against the flat surface behind. Fucking alcohol, stupid fucking slow reactions! I feel his fist connect with my nose followed by warmth tricking out of my nostrils and over my lips.

I regain control of my body and throw a swift – and hard – punch into his gut, he doesn't seem to like girls that fight back and slams his hand into my stomach then into my side then again into my stomach – seemingly satisfied when I crumple to the floor. Motherfucker that hurts! I squint and see his lips moving, soon the words "_get up_" and "_bitch_" reach my ears. I squirm a little trying to push myself up, he takes note of this and thrusts his boot-clad foot into my abdomen. No, I was wrong; _this_ hurts. He thinks I'm not going anywhere anytime soon and turns round, shouting at his girlfriend – who by now has put her skirt back on. His attention is diverted and I push myself to my feet – trying not to sway back and forth – grabbing his shoulders, I turn him to face me, and my fist lands in his eye socket. He's stunned and I take the opportunity to start throwing my fists at his face, I hook one of my feet behind his legs and trip him up, he falls to the floor with a thud. Knowing I've only got one shot, I smash my foot into his crotch – with as much force as I can muster – his face is blank for a second before he lets out a cry of pain.

I don't even look at nameless bi-slut I make my way out of her apartment as quickly as I can.

I'm in Central Park – I noticed the taxi drive past it on the way to nameless bi-slut's flat – the nigh sky is black and the air is calm and crisp. Finding a bench, I slump onto it, sighing as my backside comes into contact with the cold wood. I still feel fucking annoyingly lethargic and now I feel fucking sore too. I want to go home and crawl into bed, not inspecting my injures until tomorrow morning. Luckily I only have one lecture on Wednesday's and that's late afternoon – thank God for small mercies.

I yawn and all I can think of is my big warm bed, the only problem is now that I'm sitting down, I cant be fucked to get up again.

I let my mind drift to my favourite subject; girls. I think about the girls that I've fucked – well the ones that I can remember, so basically the most recent. I think about the virgin I fucked almost two weeks ago – she was a sweet kid, I doubt she's still as sweet. I wonder what she thought when she woke up, she probably ran back into the metaphorical closet as fast as she could. I bet she's so fucking far back that she's in Narnia by now. I let out a derisive laugh. People shouldn't be that innocent and naive, they'll only end up hurt – I did her a favour.

I walk the small distance back to the apartment I share with my _man-whore_ otherwise known as Aiden, don't let the nickname confuse you – we don't do _that_, it's just how I refer to him. I suppress a groan, exhaustion gripping my body; I want my bed so badly.

Fucking stairs, fucking nuisance when you're tired and a little drunk, **and **aching! After tonight I'm moving to the first floor. I hull my body up the last few steps and shuffle towards my shared flat. Fuck I'm tired. My keys find the keyhole and I'm in, I'm home. Now all I have to do is get to bed. The lights are on, that's weird, my man-whore must be home.

Someone is home, but it's not Aiden, and I'm too tired for this shit.

She whispers my name and I feel like I'm flying, flying through darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

This is a really weird/random part - but I should make sense in the next update.

* * *

My whole body is tingling – like I'm a mobile phone that has set to vibrate and someone is ringing me, I like it though. It's reminiscent of when I popped a couple of pills a good few months ago – the pills were ecstasy, and I stupidly double-dropped on them, but luckily for me they only had a couple of units of MDMA and caffeine in them. I still buzzed all night long and well into the morning too. And this is how I feel – like someone has put something, just under my skin, that vibrates. I want to sit down so I'll get more of a rush, but there is nowhere to sit. And it's because I'm flying.

Everything is bleak and black. It's just dark; I'm surrounded by darkness. Normally I'd worry – because strangely, I am still partially scared of the dark. It's fear of the unknown – I don't like that there are things that could be a danger that I can't see. But this is a comforting darkness, it feels like I've just gotten out of the shower and wrapped a big fluffy warm towel around myself. It's friendly and it's safe.

I try to close my eyes – but they're already closed. So I try to open my eyes – but they're already open. Weird.

My ears hurt; all I can hear is white noise, just noise – loud noise. But there isn't anything to hear, no sounds exist around me, I still hear white noise – waves of it thrusting into my ears, penetrating the drum. I close my already closed eyes trying to block out the sound.

I focus on my tingling skin. I'm vibrating, but I'm not buzzing – because I haven't taken anything. Maybe I'm lying on a washing machine or tumble dryer, or something.

I want to know what's going on, why I feel like this. I try and focus my mind – try being the operative word. Because I can't focus on my mind, because it doesn't feel like I have a mind anymore – there's just empty space between my ears. I have no memories, no sense of logic or reason, no comprehension – I have no cognitive thoughts. Fuck.

I need to know what's going on. What is the last thing I can remember? Nothing; I remember fuck all!

Wait I can remember something – when I was in primary school there was a boy in my class who always used to wet himself. The first friend I made a secondary school, meeting Clay for the first time, Glen sinking a basket at a basketball game, my mum telling me about what her wedding day was like, the puppy I had as a child running away, my dad telling me he loved me for who I was, flying into LAX, nearly throwing up in Aiden's car. Ashley, and… Ashley. It was all of Ashley.

I don't feel so good.

Ashley wrapping her arms around me.

Why is the darkness moving so fast?

Her nose nuzzling into the crook my neck.

I can see black swirls on black.

Her teeth nipping at my earlobe.

My body isn't tingling; it's shaking.

Lounging in her room together, just sitting in a contended silence.

It's so bright; it's hurting my eyes. Black shouldn't be bright.

Rubbing suntan lotion onto her back.

I'm not flying, I'm falling.

A soft kiss being placed on my shoulder.

I'm falling through darkness. Fast. It's like being sucked through a black hole backwards.

The scent of her shampoo.

I'm scared. There are things hiding in the darkness, I can't see them, but I know they're there. Waiting to get me, waiting to hurt me. I feel like I'm going to throw up, I'm shaking and I know there is vomit waiting to spill over my lips. I want to open my eyes. They can't be open – my mind is telling me they are, but they can't be; it's not right. Fucking eyes, open! Open for fucks sake! I need to know what's around me, I need to see the danger, I _need_ to be prepared. I need to protect myself. I _have_ to protect myself.

"I love you."

Slow down, stop free falling. Grab something, reach out. Move your arms, move your fucking arms!

My stomach feels like it's on a spin cycle, and I can't move my body, not all at. I keep falling, my mind and memories reeling as fast as I seem to be plummeting.

"I love you so much, I go crazy without you."

It's brighter than before; it's bright white darkness.

"You're my world, I love you Spencer."

It's too much to take; my head is going to explode. It's getting louder. That one word, it's being screamed as a whisper.

"Spencer."

I want to hide in the darkness, where no one can see me and no one can hurt me – I want to be what's concealed within the blackness.

Everything starts to slow down.


	5. Chapter 5A

Sorry about the delay and thanks for the feedback!  
Okay, this chapter _probably_ should have gone before the last two (just after Spencer had sex with the nameless virgin), meh.  
This is only half of the chapter, I just thought if I posted what I had down so far it would encourage me to get the rest out as quickly as possible - I hate writing this type of chapter, firstly I'm no good at it not enough detail among other things and it's seems to take me forever to write. Meh.

The chapter title; "**Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lips**", is a line (my favourite line) from (my favourite song at the moment - seriously I _can't _stop listening to it) the **Fall Out Boy **song "_I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me_."

* * *

Chapter 5 "Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lips"

**3 Years Prior **

"Ashley, give me your hand."

The brunette didn't question her girlfriend; she merely complied, reaching her arm out as Spencer softly wrapped her fingers around the extended wrist. The blonde brought the hand up to her chest and pressed it between her breasts, "Can you feel that? That irregular beat, my heart is working overtime Ash', it always is when I'm around you. Beating so fast, it feels like I'm one _thump_ away from having a heart-attack."

"Spence',"

"You don't need to ask if I'm ready, or if I'm sure, all you have to do is feel how fast my heart is racing." Spencer relaxed her hold on Ashley's wrist, the brunette's hand stayed put.

"There's no going back," chocolate eyes searched sapphire ones, looking for indecision, "you can't have a second first time."

"I wont want a second first time, all I want is you."

Two hands found their way into a curtain of blonde locks, pulling the taller girl closer, their lips grazing. As Ashley's mouth fully found Spencer's the whispered words "I'm sure," reached her ears.

The gentle meeting of mouths soon heated up and lips started to bruise as hands started to grope for clothes, trying to rip the soft fabric from equally soft skin. Spencer's kiss got more demanding, holding Ashley close to her, not wanting to break the contact, her lungs ached for oxygen. The brunette was feeling the same need for respiration; she dragged her lips from the blonde's, over her jaw down to her neck. Her hot breaths coming out, moistening the skin over Spencer's collar bone, her hands still shaking at the hem of the blonde's t-shirt.

"Need a hand?" it wasn't so much a question as it was a way of capturing the brunette's attention, as she reached down and tugged the shirt up her torso and over her flushed face.

The garment was forgotten before it had even reached the floor, brown eyes turned to black as they took in the new flesh. Eyes lapped up the softly tanned skin; from stomach to neck, over bare breasts, Ashley took it all in, wanting the image to resound in her mind forever.

"I do have eyes you know." Her voice was full of mirth, and a small giggle left her lips as a blushing face snapped upwards.

"You're beautiful." It was a quiet admission, a statement that had been uttered from those soft lips countless times before, but never as breathlessly.

A delicate hand found the nape of her neck and brought their lips back together, the kiss was gentle and slow, their mouths languidly kissing, bottom lips being suckled on, tongues tenderly meeting – softly dancing together.

Smiling lips pulled away from moaning ones, a sweet whisper leaving the smiling blonde, "And you're perfection."

Azure eyes opened to see a flush being replaced with a blush, as the brunette ducked her head. A pale thumb reached down, pushing Ashley's head upwards, urging her to meet her Spencer's gaze, "I mean it, you're everything I could ever want Ash', beautiful, smart, funny, an incredible singer…" their lips melded together again, silencing the blonde.

The taller girl pulled back, her voice filling the brunette's ears, "I love you."

Ashley leaned forward, resting her forehead against the blonde's, "I love you too, you're my world Spence'."

"I think I'm about to start crying…"

Ashley quirked an eyebrow "Is the prospect of sex with me really, _that_ bad?" She feigned hurt and the blonde rolled her eyes.

"Make love to me?"

The shorter girl grinned, "anything for a blonde."

Ashley dipped her head and started to kiss down Spencer's neck, along the line of her collar, trailing hot open-mouthed kisses over the soft skin of the blonde's torso. Avoiding the noticeably pale breasts that were demanding her attention, Ashley continued down to Spencer's navel and back up again, this time stopping, to quickly run her tongue over a pink nipple. The erect bud hardened more as Spencer's back arched, silently asking Ashley to repeat the action.

The brunette continued to kiss back up, stopping to nibble the hollow at the base of the blonde's throat, grinning as she felt a moan reverberate through the flesh. Her palms pushed down onto Spencer's shoulders, directing the blonde back onto the bed; her back resting on the plumped pillows.

The two had been dating for a little under two months, friends for almost five and Ashley had been loving and lusting after Spencer for just over five. Planning every detail of their first time since she had heard Spencer's confession of wanting "a second fist time (with someone she really loved)", Ashley wanted to make sure that Spencer got her second first time. But it would be Spencer's _first_ with a girl, her first with someone who she really loved – and who loved her back. The brunette wanted to make it perfect.

Her lips started to descend again, her hands moving down to Spencer's chest, palms laying flat over globes of flesh, pebble like nipples pressing into the taut skin. Fingers curled and hands cupped the mounds of flesh, soft fingertips trailing down, grazing the pink buds. Index fingers meeting thumbs to gently pinch and lightly pull at erect pink buds.

It wasn't too long before Spencer felt a warm mouth moving to her right breast, and Ashley's tongue slipping past her lips onto the pale globe of flesh.

As soon as Ashley let her tongue touch the tip of the hardened peak, she heard the distinct sound of her girlfriend hissing – the simple sensation new and different to the blonde.

Round and round, agonizingly slowly, faintly tracing the areola. Round and round. Spencer never realised how sensitive her breasts, more specifically her nipples, were, but what Ashley was doing to her was driving the taller girl crazy.

Round and round, suck, round and…bite. Spencer moaned, the ache at the pit of her stomach growing. Bite, suck, bite, tug. Another moan.

Then cold. Spencer felt a distinct loss of warmth, she shivered, the cold air in the room settling on her saliva-covered nipple. Warm flesh came back into contact with the bud, the peak being rolled between finger and thumb once more. Ashley grinned up at the blonde, her mouth descending onto the left nipple. Lick, circle, suck, tug, suck, bite. Spencer groaned at the painfully slow pleasure she was receiving.

Ashley's tongue flicked over the pink bud before trapping it between her teeth, lightly pulling at it, her teeth sinking at little deeper into the supple flesh.

Slender fingers wrapped themselves in wavy brown locks, trying to push Ashley closer to her. Smiling, the brunette pulled her head away from Spencer's heaving chest, with the blonde's hand still tangled in her hair, Ashley moved up Spencer's body, her lips crashing down onto the blonde's.

Spencer's lower lip found itself between Ashley's teeth as the brunette nipped at the pouty flesh, relaxing her hold on the lip Ashley pulled away, breathing hard.

The blonde moaned, "don't stop," as she groped for her girlfriend, her eyes still softly shut.

Her eyelids fluttered open to meet an amused expression on Ashley's face, "what?"

"You're just so adorable." Spencer pouted at the reply.

"Fine, adorably hot." Ashley corrected herself with a subtle eye roll.

The brunette started to kiss back down her girlfriend's torso, this time completely ignoring the breasts that begged for her attention.

Down, down, lick round the navel and…pause. Her palm lay flat on Spencer's taut tummy, her free hand hovering over the buttons on the blonde's jeans, her eyes darting up to Spencer's, checking for uncertainty.

She stared into newly darkened eyes, "I want you to want this Spence…"

"I do, I want this _so_ much, I want _you_ so much. I, I _love_ you so much Ashley."

The brunette nodded, her fingers nimbly undoing the metal restrains that held Spencer in her jeans. Her thumbs hooked around the waistband, slowly pulling the cotton down, taking Spencer's panties with them. Over hips and down creamy legs, Ashley inched her body down the bed with the clothing.

Quickly yanking the material past the blonde's ankles, she tossed the jeans and panties to the side, her breath hitching in her throat as she gazed at her completely naked girlfriend.


	6. Chapter 5B

This is taking ages rubs temples meh, part 5B, expect part 5C at some point in the near future.  
_And_, I'm aware that no such word as "_sheened_" exists in the English Language. Meh.  
And, the title "But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help" comes from the **Rihanna** song "_S.O.S. (Rescue Me)_"

* * *

Chapter 5B "But I can't control myself, got me calling out for help"

_**(Cont)**_

-----

Two pale hands instinctively shot between cream coloured thighs, one rested while the other twitched and flew up to cover her exposed chest, her forearm resting over her breasts.

Spencer didn't like her sudden nudity, she had only ever been naked in front of her mother and her doctor – and surprisingly she wasn't naked when she had lost her virginity either. But as she lay on Ashley's bed, her only article of clothing a small heart shaped pendant, she realised she was stripped bare (not just physically either).

Her vulnerability shone through her eyes, the indigo pools chilling back to light azure, desire being replaced with self-doubt and fear. Warm chocolate eyes found anxious blue and gave a reassuring, nurturing smile. Tanned hands rested on pale and pulled at the wrists, tugging the appendages away from the naked flesh.

The words, "you're so beautiful," were whispered, the sound ghosting around the room like a tender caress.

A small clothed body rested on top of a slightly larger naked one, and a soft kiss was placed on an ear lobe, delicate promises of love being muttered into the skin on a pale neck.

"_I'm going to be right here, you don't have to be sacred_."

Spencer lightly nodded, her fear being replaced with desire as she felt Ashley's palm work its' way down her torso, resting on her abdomen, thoughts of what was to come filling her mind.

Fingertips danced just below her navel as deep brown eyes locked with hers once more, asking for affirmation. A soft nod of the head was all the encouragement Ashley needed as her palm slid downwards, cupping Spencer's heat.

Her mouth covered her lover's and her index finger slipped into the blonde's warmth, pushing in slowly, until the digit was submersed. A moan was passed from one mouth to another as hips started to arch, needing more of the sensation.

Ashley's body started to slide back down Spencer's again, her finger still deep within her lover, gently stroking back and forth. Her languid movements making the younger girl moan, her hips driving into the air with every change of tempo or strength.

Ashley's eyes flickered from the juncture between Spencer's legs to the blonde's face; her eyes lightly shut, cheeks already flushed and mouth was slightly agape, and then back to where her hand was gently moving in and out.

Dark eyes were glued to her own hand, watching the palm as it moved back and forth, more of her index finger coming into view with each pull before disappearing inside of Spencer with every push. Ashley withdrew her hand a little more, more than she had been, Spencer whimpered at the loss of contact, her eyes shifted back up focusing on the blonde's face and let her middle finger drop back, straightening out next to the index. She thrust her fingers into the taller girl and watch in muted awe as Spencer threw her head back, a soft vowel sound flitting over her parted lips, her mouth fully opening into an "o" shape.

The grin on Ashley's face grew, her ministrations speeding up, pushing Spencer closer to her release. Two digits thrusting in and out of the younger girl, faster, faster and faster still, listening to soft groans and a little harder, matching the speed to the strength; keeping the motion fluid. The flat of Ashley's thumb flashing over Spencer's swollen and neglected clit sent a curse rocketing from the blonde's panting mouth, her head whipping to the side.

Ashley's smile continued to grow. Her fingers curling upwards keeping the tempo the same, another gasp from the blonde. Her eyes scanned over the sweat-sheened naked body of the girl she loved, from the damp roots of dirty blonde hair, to a flushed pink face contorted in pleasure, to a heaving chest, pink pebble-like nipples standing proud and erect, to a panting tummy and over smooth legs to feet that couldn't stay still. Her thumb lightly rubbed up and down over Spencer's clit, and the younger girl's walls clamped down on her digits, drawing them deeper. The constriction only caused the brunette to thrust with more vigour, faster her fingers drove into Spencer's wet heat, quicker the blonde's pants and moans got. One more swipe of her thumb over Spencer's nub was all it took for the blonde, her head pushed back, mouth fully opened letting out a loud whimper of pleasure, back arched and hips shot blindly upward into the air. Ashley stayed still, watching in fascination as the waves of pleasure struck Spencer, the smallest detail of the blonde's reaction burned onto her mind forever.

Spencer's mouth stayed open but no more screams of pleasure left her, Ashley took that as her queue to move back up her quaking body and wrap her arms around the younger girl.

Arms wrapped around her torso, legs tangled and she buried her face in the crook of Ashley's neck, her arms wrapping around the solid body, holding on for dear life as her body came down from it's high. She wanted to say something, to verbalise how she was feeling, but her mouth wouldn't work; her vocal cords temporary severed. So she held on and rode out the rest of her orgasm.


	7. Chapter 5C

Seeing as it's been awhile since I updated, should I post the next part? What was that, "_no_"? Okay, I wont then. Just kidding .  
It's only a little update - think of it more as a show of good-faith, that I'm still thinking about this fic and all. Plus a small update is an still update right?  
The chapter title "Drive me crazy, my beautiful baby" comes from the **Hard-Fi** song "_Hard To Beat_" it's a good song.

As always thanks for all the scrumptious feedback, it's splendifiourous. 

That's what I was going for - to show the completely different sides of Spencer (from passive aggressive, to just plain violent ).

And on with the fic.

* * *

Chapter 5C "Drive me crazy, my beautiful baby" 

_**(Cont) **_

Her face nuzzled in the crook of Ashley's neck as she let out a soft contented "_Mmm_" sound; her body down from it's high – but still buzzing with both pleasure and love.

With one arm wrapped around Spencer's waist and the other resting on her back, her fingers softly stroking the blonde locks underneath, Ashley started to speak, "So I take it, you enjoyed that?" She asked, the smile on her face evident in her voice.

In response Spencer let out another soft "mmm" sounding moan.

"Good," Ashley grinned and the taller girl pulled back, her gaze resting on Ashley's beaming face, "because I'm not done yet."

The blonde softly shook her head, causing the shorter girl's brows to knit in confusion and mouth to open; a silent question hanging in the air.

Spencer's eyes twinkled with affection, "You're not done and I haven't even started yet."

The brunette still looked confused and a little hurt, until she realised that Spencer was talking about, repaying the favour, as it were. Before Ashley could start to protest – wanting the love making session to be all about Spencer and her needs – the blonde had already pulled away and was straddling her waist, placing butterfly kisses on her neck and collar.

Ashley opened her mouth to tell Spencer to stop, but before she could get any sound out, the blonde pressed her lips down on to her parted ones, causing a soft gasp to catch in her throat. A warm pink tongue darted out of her mouth and into Ashley's open one, stopping only briefly to trail over the shorter girl's swollen lips.

Two hands wormed their way into blonde tresses urging the taller girl on, begging for more, and as abruptly as Spencer's tongue had made it's way into Ashley's mouth it was gone; shifted from mouth and lips to neck and ear.

Ashley's earlobe, being caught between Spencer's white teeth, nibbled licked and released, only to have the process start over again – Ashley was glad she had chosen not to wear any earrings that day. From one ear to the other, and then down her bronzed neck, Spencer's lips travelled, paying each different patch of flesh careful attention, then as Ashley would acclimatize to the sensations and silently beg for more, the mouth would move on to delicately torture a different area of skin; licking, sucking and biting as it went.

Ashley let out a low moan as Spencer licked over the sensitive flesh just under her jaw, her tongue moving to trace the line of the bone. Grinning the blonde drew her mouth away from golden skin once again and looked down at her girlfriend, taking in her flushed and dishevelled appearance.

"_You_," Spencer leant down to place a soft kiss on Ashley's bruised lips, "_are wearing far_," she kissed again, this time letting her tongue lash out to quickly slip inside of Ashley's mouth, "_too_," the brunette arched upwards pleading to be kissed again, she stuck out her lower lip in a pout and Spencer swiftly nipped at the protruding flesh, "_much_."

The shorter girl groaned at the minimal contact as the blonde wriggled about on top of her jean-clad her hips, enjoying the friction – seemingly no longer embarrassed by her own nudity.

"You plan on doing something about it?" her eyebrow cocked with the same challenge that was apparent in the question.

Spencer continued to grin down at her, her face glowing with impish delight, her warm red lips twitched as if she were about to speak in reply, and before Ashley realised it was happening, two pale hands had shot underneath her shirt and had stripped the fabric off of her torso – barely needing to rip the cotton away from the brunettes arms.

As the brunette lay with a shocked expression on her face, Spencer's face clouded from amusement to frustration, as she bit back on a growl. Once more, her expression changed, switching back to a playful smirk as she leant back down, her tongue tracing the outline of Ashley's dark nipples through the thin fabric of the brunette's bra. Hearing her girlfriend gasp in response Spencer let her teeth graze over the erect lace-covered nipple.


	8. Chapters 5D & 5E

The chapter title for 5D, "Move down to me, slip into you", comes from the song "_Dance Inside_" by **The All-American Rejects**

And the chapter title for 5E, "'Cos I'm on fire, I'm on fire when you come", comes from "_Banquet_" by **Bloc Party

* * *

**

Chapter 5D "Move down to me, slip into you"

_**(Cont)**_

Her lips closed around a fabric-covered nipple and started to softly suckle at the hardened flesh, pleased when she felt Ashley squirm underneath her. Grinning the blonde changed breasts, careful to keep her hands by Ashley's sides, and sucked the other nipple into her warm mouth, her saliva caking the material. The flat of her tongue pressed down onto the erect bud – the lace of Ashley's bra now completely transparent – the brunette fidgeted underneath her girlfriend; her legs tightly squeezing together.

Slender fingers found the clasp at the back of Ashley's bra and deftly unhooked the offending material, Spencer tore her mouth away from Ashley's breasts to completely remove the strapless garment. As the lacy material was lost to the floor, the brunette was sure she heard a low growl come from Spencer as the blonde looked down at her, her fiery gaze lapping up the sight of the newly exposed skin.

Hungry lips sought out tanned flesh, kisses trailed up Ashley's neck until the blonde took the shorter girl's face in her hands, connecting their lips once more. Spencer drew Ashley's lower lip into her wet mouth and sucked on the swollen flesh, before catching it between her teeth and gently nipping the red lip. The taller girl pulled back briefly to catch her breath before capturing Ashley's lips once again, and plunging her tongue into the brunettes shocked mouth. Spencer stroked her tongue over Ashley's, whilst her hands furiously groped around trying to unbutton the brunette's jeans and push them down her legs.

Ashley tried to pull away, but Spencer held her head in place with a hand tangled in the curly tresses, that pushed into the back of the brunette's head. Spencer's feet and legs were still trying to remove Ashley's jeans without breaking their kiss and with one last violent kick, the shorter girl's jeans fell into a heap on the floor. Spencer relaxed her hold on the back of Ashley's head and rocked backwards on her hips, her eyes roaming over her brunette's almost naked body. From tousled tresses to panting lips, over heaving breasts and chocolate coloured nipples to a muscled stomach; Spencer drank in the sight, her peripheral vision noting the lace panties that Ashley still wore matched her discarded bra.

Lips and tongue trailed over naturally golden skin, tasting every inch, stopping occasionally to place butterfly kisses over the moistened flesh. And then starting again, leaving wetness over the quivering skin – the charged air in the room colliding with the newly dampened skin, cooling it; creating opposing stimulations.

White teeth dragged over Ashley's taut abs, the muscles twitching underneath the blonde's hot mouth. Spencer's fingertips started to trace the area's she had been licking and kissing, the feather light touch the most exquisite torture for the moaning brunette.

Grinning up at the brunette, Spencer let her mouth close around one of Ashley's hard nipples – her first direct contact. The shorter girl let out a low moan as her head rolled from one side to the other, her hands finding Spencer's hair, pulling at the golden locks – silently urging the taller girl on. Whilst her mouth worked on one erect bud, Spencer's hands replicated the actions with her fingers. Her tongue traced the outline of one the areolas and her fingertips traced the other, as her teeth tugged at the hardened bud and her finger's pulled at the other.

Spencer's eyes remained wide open, watching her deft fingers, then as she pulled back, looking back down at the nipple she had been sucking, enjoying the way it shone in the light. Smiling broadly, she changed from right to left – the same way Ashley had done to her. Spencer started to relish love upon the other breast with her mouth – nipping and tugging with her teeth, licking and tracing with her tongue and sucking with her lips.

Letting out a soft grunt Ashley pulled Spencer back up her torso, thrusting her hips upwards, coming in to contact with the blonde's. She ground her hips up, trying to alleviate the ache at the pit of her stomach that had spread down between her thighs.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 5E "'Cos I'm on fire, I'm on fire when you come"

_**(Cont)**_

Ashley's lips smouldered onto Spencer's, her tongue forcing entry into the taller girl's mouth, silently pleading for gratification. Without breaking their kiss, one of Spencer's legs pushed between Ashley's, parting the brunette's thighs and pushing her own thigh up into Ashley's aching heat. The shorted girl moaned into her girlfriend's mouth, her hips grinding against Spencer's leg. The blonde firmly pressed her thigh down, before swiftly moving her leg to rest on the outside of Ashley's parted thighs, briefly straddling the brunette.

Ashley pulled back from the kiss breathing heavily, her head resting on the plush pillows behind her, with Spencer grinning down at her.

"You look so sexy." The blonde breathed out, tracing a finger over Ashley's flushed face.

Ashley's eyelids fluttered open and black eyes connected with indigo, as slender fingers flitted downwards, gliding over soft flesh. Spencer's gaze shifted down, eyes following the trail of her fingers, until her hand shifted out of sight, to the apex between Ashley's toned thighs. Her fingertips pressed down into the wet lace, gently rubbing Ashley through her sheer panties, digits stroking back and forth over the brunette's swollen clit.

"Shit Spence'." Ashley rasped out, her body tingling from the sensations that Spencer was causing.

Cobalt eyes focused on Ashley's flushed face, drawing pleasure from causing pleasure, her fingers moving back and forth over the brunette's nub of their own free will. The shorter girl let out a long moan, and Spencer pulled her fingers away from Ashley's wet heat, grinning like a Cheshire cat when the brunette pouted at her.

Her eyes remained fixed on Ashley's pouting mouth as her fingertips pushed past the waistband of the brunette's panties, her digits soon coming into contact with Ashley's wet folds.

"So sexy." She mused again, Ashley's body arching up into her touch; her fingers deliberately slow, ghosting over the burning hot flesh.

She could feel Ashley shifting under her, trying to get more contact, begging her for more. Spencer trapped her lower lip between her pearly white teeth as she started to trace faint circles over Ashley's clit, watching the brunette's mouth curl into an "o" shape as she let out a quiet whimper.

Spencer's forehead creased in thought as she ripped her hand away from where Ashley needed it the most, her body lifting up, away from the brunette's. Instinctively, Ashley's arms shot out, wrapping around Spencer; bringing the taller girl back down onto her body, her eyes full of confusion.

The blonde merely smiled at her girlfriend and gave her a quick peck on the lips, before pulling her body away again, only to re-position herself between further down the bed. For what seemed like the thousandth time that day, azure pools locked with darkened chocolate eyes, as nervous hands started to pull down the last fabric barrier between the two. Ashley gave Spencer a reassuring smile, as the blonde tugged the thin material past the shorter girls ankles, throwing the unwanted garment onto the floor with all of their other discarded clothes.

Spencer tore her gaze from Ashley's to stare at the triangle at the top of the brunette's thighs, nervousness coursing through her veins. Tentatively the blonde put her hand back in between her girlfriend's legs, letting her fingers graze over Ashley's curls, moving slightly, she let her fingers outline Ashley's lips. Watching her deft movements, she lightly pushed two fingers inside of her girlfriend. Pleased at the gasp that escaped the brunette's mouth, gently and slowly Spencer started moving her fingers, stroking Ashley's insides. Lazily dragging her digits in and out, Spencer's eyes remained glued to her own ministrations, wanting to savor the moment; never forgetting her first time.

Moaning, Ashley rolled her hips into the blonde's hand, urging her deeper, wanting to feel Spencer in every inch of her. The brunette felt like she had been being teased all day, and Spencer's languid movements were the worst kind of wonderful.

With one hand slowly and softly thrusting in and out of Ashley, Spencer brought her free hand to her mouth, unsure of what to do next. Watching as Ashley's hips stated to meet each slow stroke, Spencer smiled bringing her previously free hand down to her girlfriend's slick heat, her thumb starting to rub up and down over Ashley's hard clit. The brunette swore as she moaned, her hands clawing at her bed sheets. Spencer's smile widened, Ashley's muscles clamping down on her fingers, drawing them deeper. The blonde softly picked up the pace of her fingers and added a little pressure under her thumb, her girlfriend moaning and sighing underneath her. Slender fingers glided in and out of Ashley with added force, the brunette eagerly matching each thrust, her orgasm imminent.

With an awed smile on her face, Spencer's fingers pushed deeper and faster driving Ashley to her climax. The brunette came apart in front of her and Spencer watch on in amazement, mentally noting everything about Ashley as she came, from the husky rasp of her voice as she moaned incoherently, to the red flush that covered her face, to the way her body arched upwards and shook with each wave of pleasure.

Realizing that she hadn't stopped her ministrations, Spencer blushed and stilled her hands, withdrawing them from the familiar warmth between Ashley's legs. Her hands slid up Ashley's sides, leaving a trail of wetness as they went, as Spencer started to softly kiss up Ashley's torso, holding the brunette as she continued to lightly twitch.


	9. Chapters 6A & 6B

The chapter titles are from **The Fray** songs, "_Over My Head (Cable Car)_" and "_Look After You"

* * *

_

Chapter 6A "I'd rather run the other way than stay and see, The smoke and who's still standing when it clears"

_**Present Day**_

"_I never want to stop loving you. Ever."_

My body shakes and judders, my torso flying forwards, white-hot vomit flowing over my lips. My stomach lurches again, and I heave all the liquid contents of my stomach out of my mouth.

I hate vomiting alcohol. No matter how much you've drunk or, _what_ you've drunk it always stinks of a mix of beer and vodka – the stench is enough to make you want to vomit again.

Wait, where in the fuck am I? White, white, white everyfuckingwhere; white walls, white bed sheets, white floor, white coats. Hospital, oh joy!

My throat burns, my head is pounding and someone is stroking my hair. I glance down at a disposable bowl that's being held underneath my chin; with a shaky hand I push it away. I watch as a tanned arm moves the bowl out of sight, their body still in close proximity, logically there is only one person it could be, but… but it can't be.

"Ah, Miss. Carlin you're awake, how are you feeling?" What the…? Where'd he come from? Whatever, I… **_ah, my throat_**, wait, where the hell is my voice?

I can feel her hand on my back, rubbing gentle circles, it's oddly comforting, "She just suddenly woke up and starting throwing up, is that normal doc'?" her voice has more concern in it than I can ever remember, her hand is still rubbing my back and I wonder how I got here.

"Considering how much alcohol was in her system, that's perfectly normal, Miss. Davies."

I close my eyes, their voices drifting away into a sea of nothingness, this _can't_ be right. Maybe I'm dreaming?

* * *

Chapter 6B "If ever there was a doubt, My love she leans into me"

_**(Cont)**_

I want to go back to sleep, back to the warmth of my subconscious, I want to drown in my memories, I need to get away from here, but I can't. I want to leave my body and float back to Ohio, annoyingly it's not possible. Fuck.

I focus on the words whizzing past my ears, the doctor's and Ashley's. She's so close; I can smell her perfume over the vile stench of my own vomit, her arm wrapped around my torso, her body closer to mine than it should be considering how we left things.

"I understand that you're concerned about your partner Miss. Davies, but we would like to keep her in over night." Huh, _partner_?

"A hospital will only make her feel worse, if you let me take her home, I promise to keep an eye on her and bring her back if she gets worse."

"Miss. Davies…"

"You don't know my Spencer, she's a fighter. She'll get back to our apartment, back to our bed and she'll feel a thousand times better…." Our, _our_? Did someone just turn over two pages at once?

"I can appreciate that, but…"

"You're not listening, my _baby_…." I think I just felt my eyes pop, _baby_? When has she ever used the word "baby"? I block them out again, my head a blur. None of this can be right, if it weren't for the burning feeling running down my throat I'd swear I was still asleep.

Ashley and the doctor are still arguing about me, and I still can't talk. They're both morons, if they just gave me a little water I'd be able to speak for myself. Speak and ask what the fuck is going on.

I have no idea what the doctor's name is, so I'm naming him _Doctor. Twatbag_, anyway, Doctor Twatbag looks like he's agreeing to let me go, Ashley's arm tightens around me and I'm torn. Torn between wanting to rip it off and spit in her face and wanting to snuggle into her, cocooning myself in her natural warmth, I do neither and remain sitting stiffly on the bed.

Doctor T eyes me nervously, if they release me and I end up dead, he's in the shit, if they don't release me, he'll have to face the dreaded Davies wrath. I glance over at Ashley, she's standing her ground, well she would be, if she weren't sitting down. Her body moves away from mine, and I have to fight the urge to grab her back, fucking emotions! Ash' hands me a styrofoam cup filled with water and sits back down, pulling my body into hers. I want to swoon, really I do, but I'm worried that I will vomit again, seriously I maybe a raving homo', but swooning is just too gay even for me.

Twatbag looks up from my chart, and glances at us sitting on the bed, I wonder what we look like, I wonder if you can tell that we're no longer a couple? I wonder if I look half as confused as I feel. Ashley shifts next to me, this has to be a façade, right? I catch her smiling at Doctor T, in my peripheral vision, like she's trying to prove something. Whatever, _ugh_, I can taste my vomit breath, fucking alcohol! Before I know what's what her mouth is on mine, her soft lips moving against my chapped ones. It all feels so right and so natural. But it's not, it's a lie, but I don't fucking know why.


	10. Chapter 7A

So, long-time no update, my bad.

A big, big thank you for all the feedback, sorry this part is so small.

Oh, and the chapter title is from "_I Still Remember_" By **Bloc Party**.

* * *

Chapter 7A "So monochrome and so lukewarm"

She pulls away from me and I feel cold. Too cold for my liking, she's already fumbling with something on the mini bedside table, her back facing me. I slowly sip the cold water and it's funny that the only thought in my head is about how rank it must be to kiss someone who's just spewed up what seems like an entire keg of beer.

The water is cold and soothing as it washes down my raw throat, cooling and calming as it swiftly sinks into my stomach, putting out the burning fire left behind after the sudden evacuation of my gut.

I let my head rise back up, unaware that it had sunk down, and she pops back into my vision. The Romeo to my Juliet, I would say the Juliet to _my_ Juliet, but I don't feel like bastardising Shakespeare, so she's the Romeo to my Juliet, the Antony to my Cleopatra, the Batman to my Robin. Miss Ashley Davies in the flesh.

As I press the soft styrofoam to my lips, I can still feel the tingle her own lips left behind, unfortunately my puke clings to far too many of my senses for me to fully bask in the afterglow of _Ashley_ and the glorious feelings she used to invoke in me. I wonder if the same taste that lingers on my tongue is the same that lingers on hers; the undesirable mix of regurgitated alcohol and _Bourjois_ lipstick.

Maybe in a different place at a different time, I'd be checking her out, my eyes wandering down to her bottom, taking note of her paradoxical legs, before roaming back up to catch just the right angle to take note of her gentle curves, paying close attention to her perfect breasts. But I've done it all before, I've gone from subtle stolen glances and being caught, my cheeks pinkening with the shame of being caught to unabashedly staring at her perfect figure, memorising every inch of her supple flesh. I've loved and in turn made love to every millimetre of her form, I've pondered how someone so short can have legs that just seem to go on and on, I've playfully slapped her round bum, mischievously tickled her sides, rained kisses down on her taught stomach, and loved her in the only way I knew how. But that was a long time ago and far too much has changed since, too many crossed words and too much heartache.

And I'm not the same Spencer Carlin that she met, nor am I the same Spencer Carlin that she left.

My head drops back down and I let out a heavy breath, taking the time to note the parts of me that ache. After a quick estimate I can guess that it's my _body_ that hurts. From my head to my toes, the majority of my body aches. I quickly run my fingers over the back of my head, locating a large bump, which was probably why I blacked out, I let my hand drag itself downwards over the papery nightgown that seems to be my own defence to the harsh outside world until my fingers press down into the warm and tender flesh of my tummy, sure that my abdomen is distinctly more purple now then it was yesterday. Bi-slut's bastard boyfriend did this to me.

I subconsciously tighten my grip around the small disposable cup in my right hand until it's been completely crushed into my palm, the shape changed from cone to sphere. My memories flooding back, I let the cup drop to floor, my head raised, my mouth opens of its' own accord, my eyes burning with rage, I inhale deeply though my nose, as she starts to turn, her eyes beginning to meet my own.

"What the fuck is going on, Ashley?"


	11. Chapter 7B

Thank you for all the feedback, it really does make me feel like I'm writing for a reason.

The lyrics used at the beginning are from the **Snow Patrol** song _"Chocolate"_.

* * *

Chapter 7B "This could be the very minute, I'm aware I'm alive"

---

She glances out of the window, looking for Doctor Twatbag in the hallway, I follow her eye line and see him hovering outside talking to a nurse, my chart in his hands.

"Look Spencer…"

"…What the fuck is going on Ashley?" I repeat, this time louder, more impatient.

She quietly makes her way back to the stiff hospital bed that I'm still sitting on, taking a seat next to me, she refuses to meet my eyes, "Spencer," she's hesitant, her mouth opens and closes once, then twice, she's picking out her words, choosing what to tell me and what not to tell me. Her soft pink tongue hastily peaks out past her tightly closed lips, moistening the tender flesh. With her body facing my own and her eyes glued to the floor, she finally speaks, "I," she pauses to clear her throat, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Part of me wants to believe her, wants to believe that I have amnesia and have concocted my memories of the last two years. Maybe this isn't real either, maybe I'm dreaming, maybe this is all just in a fever. But I know that to be bollocks, I'm awake, wide awake and we are not a couple, I haven't seen or heard from Ashley Davies in just under two years, the memories from the last time I saw her not being pleasant ones. But what clinches it, what tells me that the girl sitting by me is talking utter crap is her nervousness, the way she can't meet my eyes, the confused posture. Doctor Twatbag might not be able to see through her lies, but I can; she's still Ashley Davies and to me she's still as readable as an open book.

"Cut the crap Ashley and tell me what the hell is going on, tell me how I got here, tell me what you're doing here and I don't just mean in here in the hospital, I mean here in New York. You don't belong here. Now would you like to tell me what the fuck is going on and why you're here."

She looks uncomfortable, like she's just realized that her thong is on back-to-front, "I'll tell you," her shoulders slump in defeat, "but not here, later, at home."

"Later at _my_ apartment?" I say, punctuating the possession of my apartment.

"Yes."

My throat still feels like I've swallowed a cheese grater and I wish I had some more water, "You're not going back there, it's my place, not yours Ashley. You're going to tell me what you're doing here right now, then you can piss off, back out of my life."

"Not here Spence', not here." She sighs, "And anyway I have to look after you, I told the doc' I would. I'm not letting you out of my sight until I'm sure you're alright and as you'd be all alone in your apartment, I can't," she pauses, her face softer than before, "I have to make sure you're okay, I can take better care of you than the nurses here can…"

"Oh I forgot you had a medical degree Ashley." I cut in, my hoarse voice laced with sarcasm.

"I can keep an eye on you, pay you more attention, I can look after you _better_. I know you Spence' and I know you'd rather be home than in a hospital bed." She's right and annoying so, although I'm not going to validate her though, there'd be no point.

"Don't call me _Spence_'."

She looks up at me, confused, "What?"

"Spence', you've called me Spence' twice, you have no right to call me _Spence_'," I know I'm being petty, but I don't care, "you relinquished it when you broke my heart. You remember doing that to me Ashley?"

She drops her head and looks at the ground shamefully; it looks like neither of us has forgotten.

Ashley visibly jumps when Doctor T' walks back in telling me that I'm a "free woman" and reminding Ashley to bring me straight back to the hospital if I start to feel ill or dizzy, or if I black out again. Well _duh(!)_ He's such a twat.

He smiles at us brightly before leaving, off to care for his other patients. Poor people.

"You promise to tell me when we get back to **my** apartment?" I ask her, as I begin to shift about, looking for my clothes.

"I promise." I guess that will have to do.

With a sigh I push myself off of the bed, wavering when I get to my feet, I stumble, starting to fall again, I slam my eyes shut not wanting them open as I inevitably smash into the hard ground. To my surprise I don't fall to the floor, I merely fall into Ashley, as she catches my slipping body, her arms tightly wrapping around the weak form.

I want to lean into her, to let her hold me, to press my face into her warm body and sigh into her shoulder. I can't though, so I just push her away from me and mutter something about needing my clothes. She nods in understanding and hands me my clothing, I have to blink twice as I feel the cotton garments being thrust into my palms, confused as to how she seemed to make them appear as if from thin air.

I turn away from her, letting my dirty clothes drop onto the bed, sighing as I hear the curtain around the bed being pulled closed, I assume Ashley giving me my privacy, letting me get changed in peace.

I assumed wrong though, I can feel her behind me, her hands hovering over the back of the hospital gown, her fingertips brushing over the flimsy strings holding it closed. Her hot breath ghosts over the cold skin on my neck, her fingers pulling at the drawstrings, I half expect her to lean her head down and start kissing my neck, her hands moving over my sides and up my stomach, her palms running over my tummy up to cup my…. No! Fuck! I should not be thinking about that. I should fucking hate her. I should not, **not** be thinking about her fucking me right here, right now. You do not fuck in hospitals. It's confused and un-sterile!

The gown falls open and my back is completely exposed, and I can't get my libido under control, "Ashley, would you give me some fucking privacy?"

"Uh yeah, sure." Her voice wavers, losing the confidant air it once had.

Without turning around I know she's complied and left me alone to change, I let out a shaky breath, my mind and body equally tired.


End file.
